Dealing with Older ‘Marites’ in the Family
It’s the Ber months already, which means reunions and family gatherings are just around the corner. This also means mentally preparing ourselves for unsolicited comments, advice, interrogations, and the “Marites act” of the older members of the family. In this solo episode, I discuss how we could deal with these negativities and divert every conversation into a meaningful one.
What is "marites"?
"Marites" is a Filipino term often used to refer to someone who enjoys or engages in gossip, particularly about other people's personal lives. The term is usually used in a somewhat lighthearted or teasing manner but can also carry a negative connotation, as gossiping can be hurtful and disruptive in social settings.
How to deal with the "marites" especially in family gatherings?
Dealing with "marites" or gossipmongers, especially at family gatherings, can be challenging. Here are some strategies for handling such situations:
1) Stay Neutral
Avoid engaging in gossip or sharing personal information that could fuel further discussion. Stick to neutral topics and steer clear of sensitive issues.
2) Change the Subject
When someone starts gossiping or discussing sensitive matters, redirect the conversation to a more appropriate and neutral topic. This can help diffuse the situation.
3) Politely Excuse Yourself
If you find yourself in a conversation that is becoming uncomfortable due to gossip or rumors, politely excuse yourself to avoid participating in or being exposed to the negativity.
4) Set Boundaries
If someone persists in gossiping or asking intrusive questions, kindly but firmly set boundaries. You can say something like, "I'd rather not discuss this topic" or "I believe in respecting people's privacy."
5) Be a Positive Role Model
Lead by example and maintain a positive, uplifting attitude during family gatherings. Show others that it's possible to have enjoyable and respectful conversations without engaging in gossip.
“Have the power to react in a kind way.”
What to do after?
1) Focus on Common Interest
Instead of dwelling on sensitive issues or gossip, try to find common interests and shared experiences to discuss.
2) Address the Issue Privately
If someone's gossip is causing significant harm or discomfort, consider addressing the issue privately with them. Express your concerns and encourage a more positive and respectful atmosphere.
3) Practice Empathy
Try to understand that some people may gossip due to their own insecurities or personal issues. Approach them with empathy and compassion, rather than judgment.
It's not always possible to change someone's behavior, and in some cases, it's best to accept that "marites" may continue their habits. In such situations, focus on maintaining your own positive attitude and avoiding engagement in gossip or negativity. Your behavior can inspire others to do the same and contribute to a more harmonious family gathering.
“Setting boundaries just means you have standards that you want to follow for your well-being.”
From Episode 163 of Adulting with Joyce Pring: “Dealing with Older ‘Marites’ in the Family”