Mom Guilt vs Dad Guilt
Do you ever feel like you're not doing enough as a mom or dad? Do you compare yourself to other parents or feel bad about your parenting?
In this podcast episode, my favorite guest, Juancho and I talk about the differences between Mom guilt and Dad guilt. Join us to learn about these feelings and how to handle them better!
Difference of Mom and Dad Guilt
Parental guilt manifests differently for moms and dads. Dad guilt often stems from feelings of underappreciation and the pressure of financial constraints to provide for their families. Many dads feel they aren't doing enough to care for their children because they are so focused on financially supporting the household.
On the other hand, mom guilt involves feelings of regret and shame when they perceive they are failing to meet their own or others' parenting standards. It's like an internal voice constantly questioning their adequacy as a parent.
Both forms of guilt are common in modern parenting, and it's crucial to process these feelings healthily.
As Juancho wisely said, "Sometimes we choose our own comfort rather than the betterment of our children." This means that effective parenting isn't just about discipline; it's about the consistency of that discipline. Without consistency, children can become confused, leading to a pattern of misunderstanding and frustration.
“We are not perfect parents but we do have a good Father that loves us deeply.”
Coping With Mom and Dad Guilt
1) Eggshell Parenting
It's not just discipline that teaches children, but the consistency in the patterns we establish. This approach is often referred to as "egg shell parenting." It emphasizes the importance of being consistent in your responses and actions, rather than reacting based on your mood at the moment.
2) Beauty of Parenting
Believe in the beauty of being a parent because both fatherhood and motherhood have a unique design that brings joy to parenting and child-parent relationships, even if they're sometimes misunderstood. Remember, our journey with our children is imperfect. There will be tears and moments we wish hadn't happened, but what's important is how we respond and move forward from those moments.
3) Self-Compassion
Choosing self-compassion over self-criticism means treating yourself with kindness by speaking gently, warmly, and affirmatively to yourself (e.g., "I am a loving mother/father," "I accept myself exactly as I am right now"). Recognize that suffering is universal and that you are not alone; other parents are also experiencing moments of guilt.
4) A Loving Father
We seek wisdom from others, books, and various resources to improve ourselves daily. Despite our efforts, we may still fear not being good enough. However, we can find comfort in knowing there is a loving and gracious Father who truly accepts us as we are.
5) Go back to God’s word
One thing that can transform our lives is His word. As followers of Christ, accepting that we are always a work in progress is essential because we live in an imperfect world and possess a sinful nature.
That's why, in the end, we must guide our children towards our perfect Father. If we set ourselves up as perfect parents, we risk their disappointment. Acknowledge that we will make mistakes and keep the lines of communication open.
When Dad and Mom guilt appear, embrace it as part of parenting. Strive to improve while resting in God's grace, which is always available to us all.