Why You Shouldn’t Say “NO” to Your Kids
What is a parental mismatch? Should we say "no" to our kids? Juancho and I answer these and react to some TikTok videos on this episode of the podcast!
What is parental mismatch?
According to Dr. Russel Kennedy says that, all anxiety results from a feeling of separation from your parents. When you’re a kid, probably before you were five, a moment where you felt separate, there was a mismatch.
Ways to navigate childhood hurts and traumas
Accept that we have personal responsibility but of course, our brains are malleable. So we can heal, we can thrive, and we can be better.
Awareness that our parents are also imperfect people, maybe some of them are abusive, right? Yet, they still deserve grace.
Realize that God is so gracious to us. Even in our traumas, we can still come out better and stronger and more compassionate and wiser if we change the mindset from “It is all my parents' fault” to “I still have now the power to make a better decision.” Because God gave us His Holy Spirit so we can be a new creation.
Acknowledge what we’ve been through instead of just pointing fingers to our parents
Learn from it. We should stop the cycle.
“No matter how good your parents are, there will be disappointment or hurt that somehow happens in your childhood. ”
Why You Shouldn’t Say “NO” to Your Kids Often
1) Reduces the true significance of a "No"
Negative statements can lessen their impact on children, but it's crucial to use them when they mean it. Consistently saying "no" can make children think it's a common word, and their brain may not process it.
2) Boosts their defiance
Young children often struggle with defiance as they explore and try to do everything themselves. Repeated "no" can discourage them from trying new activities and learning about their surroundings. Constantly hearning "no" can lead kids to view themselves as bad and beginning to feel inferior.
3) Causes power struggle
Saying 'no' to children can make them feel powerless and control less, leading to a power struggle within the home. This can result in children wanting to do things independently but knowing not to do so. Saying 'no' often can also hinder creativity and independent thinking, as children will not have the opportunity to explore their ideas. This can also lead to conflict in opinion, as children may not want to engage with their parents or actions, causing isolation from the world around them.
4) Gets them to quit asking for items
In a restaurant, a friend may refuse to let you eat anything you want, feeling like he's making decisions for you. However, you're your best friend, so you don't fight or convince. Similarly, saying 'no' to children can suppress their curiosity and limit their potential. This can lead to mislaying self-esteem and confidence, as they feel unloved.
“We are imperfect people and that’s what happens in imperfect relationships. We will hurt each other.”