Unlearning Toxic Traits in Our Culture

Have you been body-shamed or smart-shamed by your friends or relatives? Does crab mentality still exist in our families? Is there a solution to these innate behaviors? On this episode, Joyce Pring and Coach Lyqa Maravilla discussed personal experiences on how to address toxic Filipino attitudes and how to change these habits for the betterment of the next generations.

Outgrowing Filipino Toxicity

Some of these traits exists even without us noticing it until we go to another place, another culture and see how it only is present in the Filipino culture. We group in that society where people like comparing people to another…

○ “**It takes just one generation to change the whole tournament” (LM) –** if we try to not entertain these kinds of gestures, make them known that’s it’s not really good and can really be offending at times, then it can be the first step for us to grow out from it.
○ Like with *utang na loob* – **“you shouldn’t do it just because it will be reciprocated in the future” (JP).** But it really is righteous to do something good for someone who has done good to you.

**Tips to UNLEARN**
**these habits**

**○ Recognize the habit.** Ask yourself why you have this trait and track down how it started. Then from there, you start to look at which point you should flip so that you can change that toxic habit of yours.
**○ Be more self-aware.** Be careful with what you absorb especially when you know that you grew in that kind of environment. It’s very hard to unlearn a something that you learned growing up but being self-aware makes you smart enough to distinguish which of those are toxic and not.
**○ Know that opportunities won’t run out.** You can always make your way out. It may not be the same path as your friend’s, but that’s the beauty in it – you don’t really have to copy their ways to progress neither to compete with them.
**○ Understand the ROLE that we play.** Are you the victim or the aggressor? Is that the reason for the habits you have now? Take these little active steps to preempt the natural impulses you have.
**○ Be honest about what you do not want to hear.** Be vocal on not wanting to talk about the lives of others especially without knowing both sides of the story.
**○ Change your inner circle’s culture first.** Try to apply it to yourself then to your friends, maybe it can do a domino effect to the people you all encounter.

“Do it and do it now”

— Coach Lyqa Maravilla

Facing People with THAT Culture

If you’re the type of person who likes to have conversations, do it in close quarters and in a kind manner. Always prioritize respecting them first before correcting them so you won’t sound too offending. Wait first and when you find some private time with them, approach them politely and tell that you feel they did something that is not on the right track. There maybe times that they point it back to you, but just have long patience and little expectations to it. Be compassionate as well. Have a battle strategy and brace yourself with what could happen. Don’t be defensive too, accept the flaws that you made too.